Arghhhh I'm so tired

So tired that my whole body is in shut down mode yet my mind keeps reminding me of the list of chores undone... Baby's laundry, dirty dishes, tomorrow's meal preparations, own laundry, sweep the floor, look alive, conceal those dark panda eyes, become more positive, love my life...

It is hard to always be happy and positive about everything. It's especially hard to suppress those fantasies of returning to those days when life was only about doing things that made me happy, shopping, eating out, catching up with friends, reading in the afternoon before falling asleep and taking a lovely afternoon nap, walking out of the house with a small bag, wearing earrings.

I am definitely having one of those moments where I'm wondering about the what ifs.

As another hectic day draws to an end I struggle to put into perspective the purpose of my life, the decisions that I've made and the consequences of each of my actions.

I love my child. Unconditionally and unequivocally. But I also love myself. Without a doubt. Because loving my child sometimes limits myself from loving me, I must often take a step back and reexamine my life and what I need to do to improve the current status quo.

Today, I have decided to let the laundry wait.

Leave the dishes in the sink.

Buy take out for the next few days.

Book a massage for tomorrow and ask my husband to babysit.

Go to bed at 10pm.

Perhaps the last two can help me finish off the last few items on my to do list.

End of the day

Sometimes I get this weird feeling like...Really? I'm a mum!? As though the last two years passed without any recollections and suddenly there is a beautiful little child laying next to me.

I look at this child as though it is the first time I've laid eyes on him and I sigh, not because I am sad, but because I am happy. Because I cannot imagine life without him anymore. However hard the obstacles ahead for both of us (and daddy) we will go through it together and my life however busy stressful or tiring will be worth it because I know that everyday, at the end of the day, like today, I will be able to look upon this him as if it were the first day, and say to myself 'well done'.

Guilt

Everytime I 'fight' with R I always find myself loving him even more (if that is even possible) after.

Our arguments range from why he should brush his teeth, to why he must eat his dinner to why mummy will only read 3 books before bed and not ALL of the books etc

Just your typical mother - son interactions.

What amazes me every time is how R always manages to make me feel like the most important person on the planet to him even though I might have just broken his heart a little.

Tears are usually followed by hugs and more hugs then smiles and a few more hugs. Which is also the reason why I feel exactly like the biggest meanie after our fights and why I know for a fact that R is definitely a bigger person than I am every single time.

Perhaps this is his gift to me - the lesson that if you love someone, regardless of what has happened between the two of you, there is nothing a hug and a smile won't fix.

Thank you my sweet.

A toothy problem

Every time after one of my sons teeth pops out, I always go through an enormous guilt trip and over compensate him by buying him one (or thirty) new toys.

This might sound like a really strange ritual, but let me explain.

In all honesty my son is not perfect, he has a bit of a hot headed temper (which I take complete responsibility for), and he has a tendency to scream on the top of his voice if he doesn't get what he wants. All these are the toddler norm (I presume) and in general he's a really happy guy who enjoy socializing and playing and eating (especially the latter).

However, in the last week I have lost it with his temperaments on more than a couple of occasions. This has made me question my abilities of being a parent, and reasoned with myself whether or not he really is the devil reincarnated (seriously).

This is of course until I touch the little bit of hardness poking out of his gums that I realize...ahhhhh he was teething!

The thing with teething is that you don't really know it is what it is until the tooth surfaces itself. After all the child cannot say or express himself, we can only guess, perhaps it was this or that. This mixed with our own doubts of our parenting skills creates a very stressful time for both the parent and the child.

I guess after all this, the lesson that should be learned is, no matter what happens remember to be calm, because even though the child cannot control his emotions we as adults cannot loose our heads and do something we might regret and make a difficult situation even worse.

Keep Calm
And
Take a deep breath

Will be my mantra from now on

Namaste

So mad!

This is a stupid question:

Are there times when the baby you love and adore so much made you so angry you could literally chew off your own arm?

Well I had such moment today.

Thankfully my limbs are still in place (and so are the baby's limbs) but man I was mad! Trying to put him down for a nap and he just kept either pinching my face, making skin farts on my belly, his arm, my neck then the back of his hand, stand up and then sitting back down forcefully, jumping on the bed, making random sounds with his hand(s) on his mouth, pulling my hair and generally acting like a monkey more than a baby!!

I basically had to ignore him and turn my back to him to let him know how mad I was and there was definitely a bit of a screaming match between us before he fell peacefully to sleep (some 60 minutes later).

Argh...

Just one of those days

Waking up to a dark gloomy day.

What ever you say being interpreted the wrong way.

Having no choice but to resign to the hopelessness of it all.

Then finding the courage to have hope, however small.

Tell yourself 'it's just one of those days and move on.

Because there are more important things in life and it's time to grab on!

Ferber Method Alternative

Ok, so as many of my readers already know I gave up on the Ferber method. Maybe it was too strict, perhaps little R was just too stubborn or it might just be that I couldn't put up with the endless cries anymore. One reason or another (or all of them) it just wasn't for me.

Perhaps you are wondering now how little is doing at being put to sleep now, well I'm pretty proud to say that R has been falling asleep and staying asleep pretty well for well over 4-5 months!

My method is one that is simple and I find very gentle and comfortable for both R and I. It's a simple ritual that I repeat everyday and for every situation I have a set of steps that I take Riley through and usually without fail he can fall asleep without much or any fuss. Now I'm not saying this will work for everyone but if you are driven half nuts (like I was) then I think it's worth a go.

For naps
1. Close the blinds/curtains/doors so that the baby knows its time to nap.
2. Take off a layer of clothing so that he is comfortable sleeping (or put him into his pajamas)
3. Lay him on the bed with you with a light blanket over both you and him. If he is a bigger child and or refuses to stay laying down its ok to let him move about as long as it's on the bed.
4. Talk quietly to tell him that it's time to sleep, sing lullaby songs, stroke his hair, massage him or just caress him until he falls asleep. I find putting R's little hand under my cheek helps to settle him. It may take anything from 2-60 minutes before he falls asleep, don't get discouraged if it doesn't work in the beginning just be patient eventually the serenity and the comforting fact that you are with him helps him to sooth and calm himself into sleep.

Night
1. I always try to have a bath with at every night and I find that the longer the time in the bath tub the better R is at falling asleep.
2. After bath, dry him and dress him in his pajamas. I would offer either breastmilk or formula or a sip of water (what ever you usually offer before bedtime).
3. This part is pretty much the same as nap time, basically both in the blanket and sooth baby with you voice and touch.

I would, after R is asleep put him in his cot (as we sleep on a double bed) and cover the sides of the cot with towels so that the light will not wake him up too early in the morning.

This of course only works when
1. He's taken enough calories during the day to not wake up at night hungry.
2. He has had a good rest during the day too, too tired or over rested babies will be harder to put to sleep and stay asleep.

Of course there are still days where he may refuse to sleep for up to an hour on this method or wake up more than once at night but those days are really a rarity and I just put it to either teething, growth spurt, too much or too little sleep during the day or it just being one of those days.