Funny things that my so did #4

#4 he's always one step ahead of me

The other day I tried to go to the bathroom, to no avail, and R was just wondering around the bathroom showing me his trucks and buses - a typical bathroom experience ever since he arrived; and I couldn't help but smell a certain...iffy smell.  I kept wondering if I person doesn't go...go, do they still produce the accompanying scent anyway? 

I gave up after a few minutes and decided to put R to bed as it was his nap time.  And that familiar smell just followed us out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, it just wouldn't evaporate!

Then something in my head connected
, and I checked his diaper - sure enough a nice blob of poo.

He must have mistaken 'mummy needs to go to the bathroom' for 'mummy needs to clean me so I better go to the bathroom'.

Speechless.

Funny things that my son did #3

#3. He's a belieber.

Yes. I have a little Justin Belieber baby baby baby ooh~ like baby baby baby noo~ baby on my hand.

Not only did he once mimic JB's infamous Bieber-do but also managed to pull off the Bieber aloof expression with pouty lips look.

Recently this mild Bieber obsession has turned itself into a much more sinister and mind numbing form of the never ending request of Biebers hit Baby, circa 2009 (?). I let R hear it out of pure boredom, who knew it would eventually lead to the destruction of our mother-son relationship.

It goes something like this...

R: baby baby baby.....mummy!!!!!

Me: argh... 

R: baby baby baby....BABY BABY BABY ....ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Me: I give up (presses play to the insidious song on iPhone for the 200th time that day)

I have only myself to blame.

Funny things that my son did #2.

#2. Spontaneously break into 'Animal Mode'.

By animal mode I mean start making noises liken that of an animal, usually without being prompted (or cause) but he is also very willing to cooperate encore demands.

His current best impression by far is that of our dachshund's cries (from being left home alone).  In fact his whines are so much like Bob that once I had to ask my mum who was crying! (It was R).  

His other favorite voices include elephant, chimpanzee and cat.  He also does a mean impersonation of a crying baby (figures). 

A year on...

About a year ago I used to take R to our local Starbucks for a little caffeine fix in the morning every once in a while. This was when he was about 8 months old.

Back then taking him out meant him staying in his stroller and me trying to relax but really just barely containing my anxiety.  This is because sometimes being out with a baby is a bit like being out with a bomb that might detonate any minute to become a screaming, crying, yelling, pulling and banging little meatball.

                   a là this lil monster 

A year has since passed and I am amazed by the remarkable advancement in R's ability to adjust to life as an aware and responsible part of society, where he understands that behavior described above is not socially preferred, and is able sit relatively still and talk in a moderately controlled volume whilst inside an indoor coffee shop.

Today we had a wonderful time playing with his Pokemon stickers and sharing a garlic herb bun. 

Funny things that my son did #1

Thought it might be fun to document all the silly things that R did over the course of however long I'm able to keep my blog up! 

Now although this is recorded as #.1, by no means is this actually the first time this regular comedian did something that made us go... Huh? Then ....wahahahaha

#1. He tried to put his 'mr.&mrs. Potato head watch on his... Ahem... Manhood.

Spring Cleaning

My boxes from Osaka have arrived and in my attempt to fit everything into my current storage compartments I have come to the sad realization that my clothes + hubby's clothes + Rs clothes = I need to do some serious clothes discarding.

It's a bit sad to throw things away. Even the glittery top I've never worn but had so much potential when I first saw it in the shops, or the tutu skirt that fulfilled my childhood ballerina fantasy, or the leopard fur coat that I snagged for a steal at the local night market that made me feel like a rock star.  All the fashion possibilities or statements I wanted to make that sadly can longer be tolerated in my limited wardrobe.

However, all those, I have been able to withstand without so much as shedding a tear, but when it came to the mountain of clothing R has accumulated in his 1yr and 8 months on earth, my heart couldn't help but skip three beats each time I decide to toss a piece.  Like the quilted pants circa winter 2012 that now had a hole on the knees due to exceeds crawling; or the eggplant and pea beanies that no longer fit on R's toddler sized head.  Every piece if clothing item had so much memory and sentiment attached to it that I'm finding it near impossible to discard.

Does anyone else have this problem?

I believe it's time for me to initiate my 'make a quilt blanket out of your children's clothes' plan.

Heartbroken

After his shower today R didn't want to read any books, which is a first because usually we go through 5-8 books every night.  He was just wondering around the room, mostly hanging by the door and playing with the door knob.  I kind of let him be, because I thought perhaps he was just curious what about grandpa and grandma were up to.

After a while I realized he was laying down by the door his face against the ground peeping through the crack and breathing rather quickly.  I got a bit nervous wondering if he had got his fingers stuck or was not feeling well so I asked him if he was ok, to which he did not reply.

I did manage to see that his limbs and other body parts seemed intact so I asked him if he wanted to read a book he said no, shaking his head profusely.

I asked if he wanted a hug he said no, again shaking his head.  I asked him if he wanted a hug, this time walking toward him with my arms open, and to my horror he backed away from me, towards the corner, almost crying.

And then I realized that he was afraid I was going to put him to bed, to his cot, alone.

You see since moving back to Taiwan almost three weeks ago, I have just started a few days ago to put him into his own cot at night again.  I was very lenient with bed sharing the first few weeks as I thought he might need the extra mummy time to settle into this new environment.  

However,the last few nights of settling into his own bed was filled with tears and tantrums, and the culprit to tonight's tears.  

Swallowing my own tears, I said to R, let's go to mummy's bed and hug and he finally nodded ok.  We hugged and I let him sleep on me for a while then next to me on the bed for a bit and he seemed finally to have calmed down. 

After some time I asked him if he wanted to sleep he nodded, I asked him if he wanted to sleep in his cot? And to my surprise he said yes and nodded his head again. I was shocked and thought perhaps I heard wrong, so I asked him once more, and again he said yes!

Carefully I put R in his cot and at first he seemed a little anxious but he didn't cry. He gave his favorite toy monkey 'Bobo' a hug and put his head down on his pillow.  

I asked him if he wanted to hear a song and he say yes, and requested 'ba ba black sheep' then the alphabet song.

After a round of songs he fell quiet then peacefully asleep.

In the silence of the night I realized why R agreed to go to his cot, it wasn't because he's used to it, or he prefers it, it's because he wanted to do what I wanted him to do, despite what he really felt.  That's what gutted me the most tonight, that perhaps all this time he wasn't ready, but I had done what I thought was right without properly reading the signs he had given me, yesterday, and the day before, again and again.

I feel so heart broken, that my little boy would put my comfort before his, and I had let him do this all the while knowing how he felt about it. I've never been so ashamed by my own actions.

Toddlers, minimum communication skills, maximum demands

I found myself in one of those days, where I was so frustrated with my almost terrible two-year old that I wanted to pull my hair out, throw my arms up and scream my head off.

I knew he wanted something.

Something.

Something.

Something?

I had no idea.

His wordless commands escalated to desperate yelps to angry screams.

In the end he satisfied himself with a binkie and a poop.

Thus this was the day that I found out that perhaps I am not as down with it all as I thought I was, and unfortunately for me there was no happy ending to the rest of the day as angry and frustrated baby led to an even more exhausted mum
.  I guess there is no story book ending in real life and perhaps tomorrow or next week the same thing will happen and my blood pressure will once again be off the charts but I can offer myself only this advice, that it's a phase and one day things will get better, maybe not this week or month or year, but one day it will get better.

I'm right...right?

Boo hoo hoo

R cut his hand yesterday. I'm not sure if it was with his 'Spot can count' picture book or something else but it sliced a nice piece of skin off his palm and at first he was just staring at it, kind of bewildered, which is why I noticed him in the first place, then his shock turned into a tremendous bout of tears and shiver as he realized what had happened (I'm guessing the pain also kicked in right about now). This is a far cry (pun intended) from the brave dude who usually laughs in the face of needles, smirks at the sight of cliffs (or ends of beds really but what's the difference) and snickers at the sound of a barking dog (ok I exaggerated some but let it be known that he's not one for crying on mummy's shoulders over a little pain). I'm guessing the fact that he's probably way past his exhaustion limit is also the reason he was so worked up but funnily enough, the next day, as he catches sight of his now Anpanman band-aided palm he would burst into another episode of young and the tearful for a good few minutes.

This made me wonder, is R growing up by gaining more long term short term memory, or is he becoming more chicken?

A brand new mum!

I admit I am guilty.

Guilty of loosing my patience and yelling at my dear child after he's ( fill in the blank) or (fill in blank 2). Suffice to say I've yelled at my baby more often than I would have liked.

I have noticed that the effectiveness of my yelling at him has decreased so much so that he no longer reacts unless if I raise my voice louder than I had previously. This creates a huge problem for me because unlike a speaker I cannot tune my voice up or down with the turn of a switch and even speakers have a noise limit. Something must be changed.

I was thus inspired to 'quit' yelling, cold turkey because I was just sick of the current method of parenting and I felt that R and I both deserved better. An article from Parenting (Taiwan) gave me the necessary motivation to change. It is about how 400 days of no yelling changed the relationship of not only a mother and her child but also her relationship with herself. Here are a few points that age mentions which, I have to say, she makes a darn convincing argument!

1) You can sleep better at night without the guilt of today's yelling episodes on the back if your mind and the sound of your child screaming back 'I hate you mum' ringing in your ears.

2) You should always remember that your children are your most important audience ( not the strangers on the bus or in the supermarket). What they think of you is the most important so remember that next time a vein snaps.

3) Children are people too, it's unreasonable to expect them to always do the right thing or to follow your orders. How would we feel if every time we made a mistake somebody yelled at us?

4) You can't control your child's actions, but you can control your own. Even adults can't always follow directions down to a tee so why should we force our children to? Rather than yell until your voice breaks why not go to another room and give yourself a time out before trying another way of communication?

5) Screaming senselessly is only, well senseless, plus the child probably has no idea what you are going on about anyway.

6) Don't pass on any opportunity for bonding. Even if your child should be in bed but is instead next to you they could just be wanting to give their mummy a hug or a kiss good night! Yelling 'why aren't you in bed' not only deprives you of a affectionate moment but also leaves the child hurt and heart broken.

7) Make good use of 'at least..,' and 'luckily...' in those moments of accidents and other incidents, like 'oh he dropped the milk carton! Oh well at least it wasn't glass!'

8) Most of the time the problem isn't even the child, it could be you! Maybe you need a time out? A well deserved spa or massage? Get someone to babysit so u can have some me time and your child gets a happy mummy instead of a grumpy mummy.

9) Remember that everything is within your control, you are the adult and you are your child's best teacher on how to control their emotions!

Ouch! Teething!

Baby boy sprouted 6 teeth in the last 40 days, that's an average of one per 6.8 days! His four canines and the two upper teeth have all revealed themselves and thus bringing with them the dreaded teething pains and irritations.

I read somewhere that the canine teeth were the most painful ones of all the teeth and for the past month I really do feel like I've been dealing with a unbelievably fussy child. He wasn't always very fussy there were the treasured few days here and there when (I'm guessing) the teeth stopped growing that he would turn into an absolute angel, smiling happy all day long before turning back into the little devil the next day as though to give his worn out mum a much needed time out.

Signs to look out for when teething are the obvious swollen gums, irritability, sometimes the child will refuse to eat due to painful guns (R was fine but he would reject foods that were too hard or chewy), a little bit of runny poo and especially in the case of canine teeth the child will most likely be touching their cheeks a lot.

Some people say children will run a low grade fever when teething but I personally have never found that with R.

I used a teething gel from when R first started teething to help sooth his gums and I found it definitely helped, especially at night to make sure he didn't wake up multiple times from the pain and assured him and us a restful night.

Also extra hugs and kisses are definitely essential in making the teething period more tolerable.

Arghhhh I'm so tired

So tired that my whole body is in shut down mode yet my mind keeps reminding me of the list of chores undone... Baby's laundry, dirty dishes, tomorrow's meal preparations, own laundry, sweep the floor, look alive, conceal those dark panda eyes, become more positive, love my life...

It is hard to always be happy and positive about everything. It's especially hard to suppress those fantasies of returning to those days when life was only about doing things that made me happy, shopping, eating out, catching up with friends, reading in the afternoon before falling asleep and taking a lovely afternoon nap, walking out of the house with a small bag, wearing earrings.

I am definitely having one of those moments where I'm wondering about the what ifs.

As another hectic day draws to an end I struggle to put into perspective the purpose of my life, the decisions that I've made and the consequences of each of my actions.

I love my child. Unconditionally and unequivocally. But I also love myself. Without a doubt. Because loving my child sometimes limits myself from loving me, I must often take a step back and reexamine my life and what I need to do to improve the current status quo.

Today, I have decided to let the laundry wait.

Leave the dishes in the sink.

Buy take out for the next few days.

Book a massage for tomorrow and ask my husband to babysit.

Go to bed at 10pm.

Perhaps the last two can help me finish off the last few items on my to do list.

End of the day

Sometimes I get this weird feeling like...Really? I'm a mum!? As though the last two years passed without any recollections and suddenly there is a beautiful little child laying next to me.

I look at this child as though it is the first time I've laid eyes on him and I sigh, not because I am sad, but because I am happy. Because I cannot imagine life without him anymore. However hard the obstacles ahead for both of us (and daddy) we will go through it together and my life however busy stressful or tiring will be worth it because I know that everyday, at the end of the day, like today, I will be able to look upon this him as if it were the first day, and say to myself 'well done'.

Guilt

Everytime I 'fight' with R I always find myself loving him even more (if that is even possible) after.

Our arguments range from why he should brush his teeth, to why he must eat his dinner to why mummy will only read 3 books before bed and not ALL of the books etc

Just your typical mother - son interactions.

What amazes me every time is how R always manages to make me feel like the most important person on the planet to him even though I might have just broken his heart a little.

Tears are usually followed by hugs and more hugs then smiles and a few more hugs. Which is also the reason why I feel exactly like the biggest meanie after our fights and why I know for a fact that R is definitely a bigger person than I am every single time.

Perhaps this is his gift to me - the lesson that if you love someone, regardless of what has happened between the two of you, there is nothing a hug and a smile won't fix.

Thank you my sweet.

A toothy problem

Every time after one of my sons teeth pops out, I always go through an enormous guilt trip and over compensate him by buying him one (or thirty) new toys.

This might sound like a really strange ritual, but let me explain.

In all honesty my son is not perfect, he has a bit of a hot headed temper (which I take complete responsibility for), and he has a tendency to scream on the top of his voice if he doesn't get what he wants. All these are the toddler norm (I presume) and in general he's a really happy guy who enjoy socializing and playing and eating (especially the latter).

However, in the last week I have lost it with his temperaments on more than a couple of occasions. This has made me question my abilities of being a parent, and reasoned with myself whether or not he really is the devil reincarnated (seriously).

This is of course until I touch the little bit of hardness poking out of his gums that I realize...ahhhhh he was teething!

The thing with teething is that you don't really know it is what it is until the tooth surfaces itself. After all the child cannot say or express himself, we can only guess, perhaps it was this or that. This mixed with our own doubts of our parenting skills creates a very stressful time for both the parent and the child.

I guess after all this, the lesson that should be learned is, no matter what happens remember to be calm, because even though the child cannot control his emotions we as adults cannot loose our heads and do something we might regret and make a difficult situation even worse.

Keep Calm
And
Take a deep breath

Will be my mantra from now on

Namaste

So mad!

This is a stupid question:

Are there times when the baby you love and adore so much made you so angry you could literally chew off your own arm?

Well I had such moment today.

Thankfully my limbs are still in place (and so are the baby's limbs) but man I was mad! Trying to put him down for a nap and he just kept either pinching my face, making skin farts on my belly, his arm, my neck then the back of his hand, stand up and then sitting back down forcefully, jumping on the bed, making random sounds with his hand(s) on his mouth, pulling my hair and generally acting like a monkey more than a baby!!

I basically had to ignore him and turn my back to him to let him know how mad I was and there was definitely a bit of a screaming match between us before he fell peacefully to sleep (some 60 minutes later).

Argh...

Just one of those days

Waking up to a dark gloomy day.

What ever you say being interpreted the wrong way.

Having no choice but to resign to the hopelessness of it all.

Then finding the courage to have hope, however small.

Tell yourself 'it's just one of those days and move on.

Because there are more important things in life and it's time to grab on!

Ferber Method Alternative

Ok, so as many of my readers already know I gave up on the Ferber method. Maybe it was too strict, perhaps little R was just too stubborn or it might just be that I couldn't put up with the endless cries anymore. One reason or another (or all of them) it just wasn't for me.

Perhaps you are wondering now how little is doing at being put to sleep now, well I'm pretty proud to say that R has been falling asleep and staying asleep pretty well for well over 4-5 months!

My method is one that is simple and I find very gentle and comfortable for both R and I. It's a simple ritual that I repeat everyday and for every situation I have a set of steps that I take Riley through and usually without fail he can fall asleep without much or any fuss. Now I'm not saying this will work for everyone but if you are driven half nuts (like I was) then I think it's worth a go.

For naps
1. Close the blinds/curtains/doors so that the baby knows its time to nap.
2. Take off a layer of clothing so that he is comfortable sleeping (or put him into his pajamas)
3. Lay him on the bed with you with a light blanket over both you and him. If he is a bigger child and or refuses to stay laying down its ok to let him move about as long as it's on the bed.
4. Talk quietly to tell him that it's time to sleep, sing lullaby songs, stroke his hair, massage him or just caress him until he falls asleep. I find putting R's little hand under my cheek helps to settle him. It may take anything from 2-60 minutes before he falls asleep, don't get discouraged if it doesn't work in the beginning just be patient eventually the serenity and the comforting fact that you are with him helps him to sooth and calm himself into sleep.

Night
1. I always try to have a bath with at every night and I find that the longer the time in the bath tub the better R is at falling asleep.
2. After bath, dry him and dress him in his pajamas. I would offer either breastmilk or formula or a sip of water (what ever you usually offer before bedtime).
3. This part is pretty much the same as nap time, basically both in the blanket and sooth baby with you voice and touch.

I would, after R is asleep put him in his cot (as we sleep on a double bed) and cover the sides of the cot with towels so that the light will not wake him up too early in the morning.

This of course only works when
1. He's taken enough calories during the day to not wake up at night hungry.
2. He has had a good rest during the day too, too tired or over rested babies will be harder to put to sleep and stay asleep.

Of course there are still days where he may refuse to sleep for up to an hour on this method or wake up more than once at night but those days are really a rarity and I just put it to either teething, growth spurt, too much or too little sleep during the day or it just being one of those days.

The precious seconds of our day

Like most mums, I have a pretty busy day that mainly revolves around my son. It's pretty wonderful. I get to wake up to his beautiful voice (usually muttering a variation of da, ma, ba or ga) and spend an eventful adventurous silly day with him then be the last person to kiss him on his forehead as he dozes off into never never land. I do sometimes suffer the fated amnesia day when the day has gone by so quickly with such frenzy that I forget what (else) has happened. Recently I watched this video on Ted.com where Cesar Kuriyama's speech on how capturing one second of his everyday on video helped him to not only remember but appreciate the things in his life, has inspired me to do something similar, for R and perhaps more importantly for myself.

I've decided to tweek it so that instead of taking a video, I feel a photograph of a certain time of day eg 4:15pm, would be a good way to capture some essence of our days together.

Here is the video of Kuriyama, and by seeing it I hope you are also inspired to appreciate the beauty of your everyday life.

http://www.ted.com/talks/cesar_kuriyama_one_second_every_day.html

Long time no see!

It seems like it's been forever since I've posted and honestly this blog has always been on the back of my mind but realistically a couple of things happened on the last 6 months that have put a real hinder on my little project.

First of all I moved to Japan! Obviously the move itself was hectic and stressful but on top of that with an 8 month baby and suddenly without the help of my parents was almost a logistic nightmare. I'm glad I made it without too many breakdowns.

Second, adjusting and living in Japan was also a challenge, culturally and linguistically there were some difficulties not to mention the social and everyday aspects of life wasn't as easy as I thought it would have been.

Finally and this one was a surprise to myself also, was the change of my role from a mother to a mother and wife again. Not sure if many of my reader are know but my my husband went to Japan first without R and I, to set up and begin his studies (the reason why we are in Japan). And during those months with him gone I only needed to concern myself with looking after my little R, but now 5 months later, reunited, I was once again the doting wife again and it was not about the cooking and cleaning that came with the role that concerned me, but rather the 'chemistry' between a couple. What to say, when to say it, how to say it, what to do, when, how... It felt like our marriage was sudden thrown into blender and everything got mashed up together and it was up to us to once again try to piece together how we 'lived' with each other, and with R.

Anyway I will talk more about these and other interesting life experiences in detail, later, but for now, 'hi again my old friends, it's been too long...'