Two Kids Later...

Wow, I haven't realized how long it's been since I last posted.  Thats not to say that I have forgotten about my precious baby blog, its just that well, I have been rather lazy (and lets be fair, also very tired).

Since my last post, I have gone on to have another baby boy (now almost 1 years old) and have found ,what many mums will also tell you, that 1. Even though they come from the same womb with the same care and love, they will turn out very different or in my case an absolute 180 in difference, and 2. However much you wanted things to be exactly the way it was for your firstborn, once their baby sibling comes, it can never be the same, ever again (dun dun duuuuuuuuuun) - but of course I mean that in the best way possible =P.

These days I have been trying feverishly to get back to my old self, now that the baby is almost a toddler (like, seriously?) and his baby schedule is no longer so jam packed (later on that subject) I can finally have some time to myself and write, and most importantly write honestly, because motherhood can be a real mother-effer and there are times when you have no idea what the heck you are doing and those days are not even a tiny bit hard as those times when your kids give you the griefs - by that I mean the I don't want to a) eat b) sleep c) do things that you ask me to do or d) all of the above.  There have been times when I just wish I can run away from these messy, angry and snotty little people and just go downstairs to my cafe and have a coffee like a normal human being... but of course my coffee is always iced or was hot then didn't have the time to drink it so it got cold, then after I reheated it the baby spat up so I had to clean him and thus it's cold again.

Argh, Eff it, I've always preffered iced anyway.

Welcome (back) into my world!

Terrible threes?

We all know of the terrible twos...

But what about the terrible threes?

Or even the fearful fours? 

When R was two my friends reassured me "Just hang in there! He will be easier when he's three!" And I am not sure if it was my naivity, ignorance or just pure wishful thinking, I believed them.  But now that R is three and a half I often find myself wondering if their reassurance was simply white lies to comfort an obviously distressed woman.

Truthfully certain things are easier per se, for example R can now fully understand my threats and acknowledge the full wrath of my frustration, he can now last longer through the day and can sometimes go the whole day without a nap which can be useful when we are on an outing, and we can now enjoy an array of interests together (in our family that means watching Star Wars and going to museums and exhibits together) so I guess in a way he's becoming more of a little person.

However, if we were being fully truthful I would have to relay to you that all the positive things we could do together is sometimes and even often canceled out by the negative side of each.  Remember all those things I mentioned earlier? Understanding my threats? He also realized they are often empty.  Feel my frustration? Playfully gets me to cheer up then presumes to do the exact thing that made me stressed out in the first place. Lasting longer through the day? Just makes the crash even more traumatic, and enjoying our interests together? Sometimes he will enjoy it too much and the story will not have a happy ending when he realizes we will not be watching Star Wars again tonight.

All these things and many more often seem trivial and totally unnecessary, but the longer the day, the more suicidal one becomes.

I wish I can say that the story ends well for us, but unfortunately for R and I our struggles continue everyday.  I guess it's as in life, nothing meaningful comes easily.  I often try to remind myself that what we accomplished together, the tantrums relieved, the fights resolved, the differences met half way and just realizing that whatever happens, family is family. And I love R, and he I, and whatever is ahead of us, the terrible threes, the fearful fours, we will make it through it together.