Sunday, July 8, 2012


I was asked today by a friend whether I think I have changed since I became a mother and it really made me think. I guess my initial response was yes, my ass is bigger and I'm leaking fluid out of my boobs every few hours, but beyond the physical stuff, deep down, was I still the same girl (woman?) I was before bebe?

I guess a part of me wanted to hang onto my old self, the careless, selfish and ignorant me whose sole purpose in life was do things that made me happy. I remember my all time favorite motto was that 'my happiness trumps the happiness of everyone else, because if I am not happy, how can I make others happy?'. This suited me so well because it gave me an excuse to be completely and utterly devoted to me, myself and I. Everything I did revolved around this one principle.

Today however, is a different story, because that motto I held onto so defiantly no longer truly and completely reflected who I was. It simply wasn't enough.

It is inevitable that the arrival of an procreation will impact even the most slightest part of anyone's life. My priorities have been reorganized dramatically, my interests have made a shift towards new grounds and my perspectives in life and on life have also  evolved.

But does this mean that I have changed? Or was I always this person, but simply have not been given the opportunity to be her?  Do we really change as a person or do circumstances and situations bring out different aspects of ourselves that we never knew we had?

Perhaps whenever we reach a different stage in life, whether it's the big things like moving out, getting married, or having kids, or smaller things like making a new friend or visiting a new country, they all accumulate and nourish our inner being so that ourselves become like a tree branching out into the infinite sky.  In this way, we never truly change, but become a more dynamic, evolved version of our previous self?

Or maybe Bowie had it right all along, time may change me, but I can't trace time...

1 comment:

  1. I totally agree with you K. I believe we are always ourselves, having a baby arriving into our life changes a lot of our surrounding and priorities as they are truly depended on us. We no lOnger act without thinking for them which I feel that only mothers can understand. It is our environment and surrounding that change and shape our behavior, but it is the us where thOse act came from.

    Woman without babies will never understand why we suddendly seem different. They can easily say just let him cry, just come out for an hour with baby..etc. even i was half like that. But now we know.. We really know what a mother means and our baby is just within us all the time:)